I’m sure you’ve played your own game of Sliding Doors Daydreams before, where you wonder what your life would have been like if you’d caught that train, chosen college X instead of Y, quit that horrible job a year earlier …
And if you’re a parent, it might like look like: How much more sleep would I have gotten if our country had parental leave benefits? Should I have joined that commune in the mountains with the llamas and the communal child-rearing when I had the chance? Would my life be perfect if I lived in France, or in one of those Nordic countries where the babies sleep in strollers on the sidewalk?
Whereas books like Bringing Up Bebe will tell you in no uncertain terms that yes, you tragic American, your life would have been much better if you’d only managed to marry your French boyfriend from that semester in Paris, this is not the full story.
Four Mothers: An Intimate Journey through the First Year of Parenthood in Four Countries, is the antidote, perhaps, to such crushing comparisons and what-ifs. This fantastic new book by journalist Abigail Leonard follows the lives of four women around the world for a single year, starting with the day they gave birth. “Embedded” is perhaps an even better word, because the narrative is that personal and that professionally reported, from Japan, Finland, Kenya, and United States.
You probably wouldn’t be shocked to learn that in the U.S., where there is little paid leave for new mothers, a woman might struggle with going back to work and trying to pump enough breastmilk throughout the day (and store it, chilled!) for her infant.
You might be stunned, however, to consider that lactation breaks and pumping rooms have never been the subject of a policy fight in places like Finland … because all Finnish mothers have a year of maternity leave, and their babies are eating solid food by the time they’re back at work. Now that’s a good trick.
And while Japan has some enviable policies—for example, fourteen thousand government funded community centers run by paid staff and retirees, with children’s activities and resources—they also lack the cultural institution of babysitting.
The combinations of cultural history and political history are fascinating. Why a given culture believe that babies and / or women (not necessarily both!), are worthy of social investment and / or support (not necessarily both!) is particular to that nation’s history.
You’ll just have to listen to our conversation—and then grab a copy of the book—to trace that journey for each of the four nations.
Eve Rodsky, of Fair Play fame, called it “eye-opening and cathartic, this is a love letter to parents and a clarion call for better policy.”
I couldn’t agree more. I hope you enjoy my conversation with Abby, and if you’re a parent, let me know what resonates with your experience of baby’s first year.
P.S. If you find yourself in the Hudson Valley this weekend, I have an event in Kingston’s O+ Art, Music, and Wellness Festival on Saturday & Sunday. It’s called Smash the Plateriarchy, and yes, we’ll be smashing plates!
